Life is not complicated. We complicate life
Like the use of 'misdirection' by a magician, we consciously and unconsciously direct attention away from the role we have played in creating our current circumstance. Ironically, though, healthy and functional relationships depend on the balance between responsible and accountable. Imagine a world where every one took stock of, and owned, their role in life. Sure, we would still have problems but our energies would be directed towards problem solving instead of, like monkeys, throwing our feces at each other.
Whether as therapist, consultant, friend, husband, father, neighbor, or citizen, my interaction with the world is inspired by two basic truths:
1. We are temporary beings - this establishes FEAR as our primary emotion.
2. We are contextual beings - this establishes RELATIONSHIPS as the setting within which we struggle with our fear.
One of the greatest gifts I've given myself is the gift of simplifying my thinking. I think in ones, twos and threes.
If the primary dynamic within all relationships is our struggle with fear, then what is the point of a relationship?
Thinking in terms of "one," - SAFETY
The obvious question to follow, therefor is, if all relationships are about safety, where does the safety come from?
Thinking in terms of "two"
Either the relationship keeps me safe, or
I keep the relationship safe.
– If the point of any relationship is SAFETY, then
- Rule 1 = I will protect you from me, however,
- Rule 2 = I cannot protect you from you.
There are 'two' arenas of conflict:
- Intrapersonal conflict (the conflict within us) and
- Interpersonal conflict (the conflict between us)
The more we acknowledge and own the conflict within our heads, the more effective we become in managing the conflict between us and the world.
While I am licensed within the State of Washington to clinically diagnose and treat individuals, I consider myself a consultant more so than a therapist.
I help people manage conflict and solve problems.
Our problem is not conflict, as this website's subtitle states,
- Conflict is inevitable - Expect it,
- Conflict is unavoidable - Plan for it,
- Conflict is necessary - Grow through it!
Our problem is the denial of the conflict within us.
Working with me includes:
- gaining insight into your conflict,
- developing effective plans for growing stronger through your conflict, and
- making meaningful lifestyle choices & changes that emphasize a commitment to value based boundaries.
Call or email me for life management assistance.